“Love is confusing! Love makes you not want the day to end but at the same time it makes you look forward to tomorrow.”  ~ Tramaine Cavil

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The Fighters

Shorty & “P”

The Argument

I told him I loved him. He and I are in love or so I think (I found out he does love me). Unfortunately, we have trust issues due to both sides. We also have problems because I don’t give into him, I keep asking for things, and I nag him.  We also try to control each other. It's turned ugly in ways I couldn't have imagined at all. I supported him and he has hardly supported me during this relationship.  Now we don’t talk at all and the only way to reach him is by phone but I don’t know if I should call him or not.  There is a lot of hidden stuff between him and I …we need to talk.

Who's Right?

This is a first for LoveFlu.com.  No one is right in this situation.

Who's Wrong?

Both parties are wrong in this situation due to trust issues being caused by both individuals.  I can’t stress enough how important trust is in a relationship.  It’s the core, the foundation, and the glue that holds everything in your relationship together.  Once you break the trust in a relationship, generally it will always be broken and it eats away at your relationship like a flesh eating bacteria.

What also bothers me about this situation is that both parties were trying to control each other. This is generally caused by “trust issues” and “insecurities”. Healthy relationships aren’t controlling but they do have boundaries.  Setting boundaries is communicating your feelings on a certain matter and your partner saying, “I totally understand. I will discontinue…(whatever your concerns are)”. Controlling someone is telling someone, “don’t do this”, “I don’t want you there”, “you need to be”, “dress like this”, etc. If you feel you have to control your partner, your relationship is doomed!

Our partners in our relationships are not our possessions or our pets to control. If you can’t simply express how you feel and the other person have enough respect for you to make an adjustment, then that person may not be ready for a healthy relationship. As a side note, it’s ok to ask for someone to make small “adjustments” in their lives but don’t ask someone to “change” for you.

Shorty, you may not understand this now but “P” may actually be doing you a favor by moving on.  Listen closely, because you should hold on to this advice for the rest of your life. “Love yourself more than the other person until you find someone that loves you more than they love themselves.” You mentioned that “P” rarely supported you in the relationship which is extremely unhealthy for any couple.  The person you’re with should always think of you first.  They should think of your happiness before they think of their own, think of your comfort before they think of their own, and think of your feelings before they think of their own.  In turn, it’s your responsibility to do the same in return.  That’s a healthy relationship! Both parties giving of themselves but never feeling empty because even though you’re constantly giving, you are also constantly receiving.

With all that being said, you should call him to clear the air.  You will find that being honest about everything will allow you to gain closure.  If this is truly the end for your relationship, then you will be able to move on without anything weighing you down.  Clearing the air can also provide two people the opportunity to start all over again…on the right foot. But, if he isn’t going to support you like he should, why bother trying?

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