“Love is confusing! Love makes you not want the day to end but at the same time it makes you look forward to tomorrow.” ~ Tramaine Cavil
Have you been fighting for days?
Let us help you end your argument by telling you who's right and who's wrong.
Settle Our Argument!
The Fighters
Murphy & Tim
The Argument
My boyfriend and I have been dating for fourteen months. We are both 20 years old. We have been sexually active during these fourteen months, at least once a day we do stuff (more than just making out). This summer we spent apart. While I stayed in Chicago, he worked at a Christian summer camp. When he came to visit me he asked if we could stop doing anything more than making out, because he wants to wait for marriage to do those things, even though we already have, multiple times. He said that he could not see himself marrying anyone other than me, but he wanted to make it special for when he did marry me. The thing is, is that he was always the one who initiated it before. Should we stop all of that stuff? Will it make our relationship stronger or will it just take the fun out?
Who's Right?
Murphy is right in this situation. What bothers people most about relationships is when people change drastically after time has been invested. A lot of times people change once they become comfortable in a relationship and feel they can be the person they “truly” are; other times people change due to religion, a life altering event, or they simply wake up one day knowing that they need to make a change in their life. No matter the case, it’s an unfair act to the person that loves them. It’s unfair because not only does change alter the dynamics of a relationship due to the unwanted major adjustments the other person has to make, it’s also unfair because sometimes the change is so drastic that the person is no longer the person you fell in love with. Change is a relationship’s cancer. Sometimes you can survive it but often times it kills the love that once lived.
Who's Wrong?
No one is wrong in this situation. Even though it’s unfair to Murphy that Tim is drastically altering the dynamics of the relationship, ultimately it’s his choice. If the change he was making was for the worse, then Tim would be in the wrong; but as any Christian will tell you, any change you make for your religion is for the good. You can’t fault a person for wanting to better themselves.
Going from a sexually active relationship to a non-sexually active relationship takes a major adjustment and both of you will struggle from time to time. Ultimately though, you will realize that sex is just a side product of your relationship not the core of it. The core of your relationship is the two people that agreed to love each other, not what activities the two people participate in. If your friendship and your bond are strong, you will survive this change and make it to the point when you can have sex again. The level of your friendship will determine if this makes your relationship stronger or not. You can still have fun, you just have to find different ways to have fun.
P.S. Some change is permanent and some change is temporary. Just because he made a change in your relationship doesn’t mean that he won’t change back to how things were before. Good Luck!
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