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The Question
I’m finding that the dating scene is keeping me in a state of frustration. I’m no model but I’m a handsome guy and I’m able to get my fair share of dates. The problem I’m having is that I can’t seem to sustain any of these relationships. My friends tell me that I’m too nice of a guy and that in some aspects I should be more aggressive but I like being a nice guy and showing women that there’s some good men out there. What could I be doing wrong? Why are these women not wanting to explore more time with me?
Question From Mark in California
The Answer
Hey Sweetie! Mark, you’re breaking my heart! You do seem like a very nice guy so I will try to put this as gentle as possible. I don’t want to speak for all women but from my perspective, most (not all) women just aren’t that interested in nice guys…period. Don’t get me wrong, we absolutely adore nice guys and a lot of times they become our favorite people in the world and sometimes even our best friends, but there’s a big difference between adoring someone and lusting after someone.
These are some things that women say about nice guys:
- They’re Push Overs
- There’s No Excitement
- You Know What You’re Going to Get
- There’s No Adventure
There’s just something mysterious about a bad boy that is very intriguing to a woman. For the most part, I think it’s a confidence thing. Women love men with confidence and I think bad boys just show it more than nice guys.
Here’s my advice: If you hear something over and over again, then more times than not, it’s probably going to be true. This includes the saying, “Most girls don’t like nice guys.” When you’re dating a young lady that is telling you all about the horrible things she’s been through in the past with her ex-boyfriends, this is not your key to be super nice to show her that there are nice guys out there. If she wanted a nice guy, she would be telling you about all the extremely nice guys she’s dated in the past.
In a nutshell, be yourself but have a little edge. Us ladies like a little mystery in a man. We want someone that’s in control, not someone that’s always going to give us our way. We want to be surprised and excited, not with an abundance of flowers, candy, and cards, but surprised and excited by you the person. We don’t want to know the outcome of every situation because you’re so nice, we want to wonder and hope. Us ladies want a little thrill in our lives. Provide it to us, and once you got us, you can be as nice as you want! :o)
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