Stop trying to figure each other out on your own. Ladies, this is your opportunity to Ask a Man anything you want.
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The Question
Unfortunately, my relationship isn’t one to brag about. Mainly due to the fact that my man doesn’t always treat me well. He isn’t around as much as I’d like and when he is sometimes he can be disrespectful. Things seem to always be about him and it’s never about me. All my friends hate him and they tell me that I should leave him but I love him. Is there a way to change him or should I move on?
Question From Holly in Texas
The Answer
Hello Holly! It does look like change is in order but I think that the change that you’re looking for should come from you, not him. Let me start by saying that the notion that people are who they are and that people don’t change is completely false. People do change but only when they choose to or when maturity brings them to change. Your efforts in changing someone to be someone that they’re not will be unsuccessful.
Since you have developed love for your boyfriend, the guy must have some good qualities but that should never be your focus. Women can find themselves in long term abusive, unrewarding, or unhappy relationships because they use their man’s good qualities as justification or as an excuse to stay with him. If you ever have to use justification to be with someone, generally you’ll be much happier without him.
Ultimately, the decision on whether or not you should move on is yours to decide. I have always found that both men and woman know what they should do when they are questioning their relationship and in your situation, I think you do as well.
In good relationships, when making decisions, you have to ask, “What’s the good to do for the relationship?” In bad relationships, when making a decision, you have to ask, “What’s the good thing to do for me?”
So Holly, what’s the good thing to do for you?
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