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The Question
I have a major predicament. My boyfriend and I have been together for 13 wonderful months but things are changing between us. He’s really getting into church now. One of the major changes is that he no longer wants to have sex until we’re married. My problem is that I love him with every ounce of my heart but I have no clue of when we’re getting married and I really doubt if I can hold out that long. I have no idea what I should do. I want to support him but at the same time I’m like, “you’re crazy if you think I’m going without sex for an extended period of time.” Do you think I should move on?
Question From April in Oregon
The Answer
Hey April! Thank you for your question. The funny thing about your situation is that I’ve actually experienced it myself. The sad part about your situation is that I’ve experienced it from your end, so I know EXACTLY what you’re going through. So let’s see if we can help you out.
The most important thing to do in this situation is to evaluate your relationship. There are some relationships out there that are loving but could be ended over a misinterpreted Facebook post, and then there are relationships out there that are loving, and that can survive anything including infidelity, lies, and even no sex before marriage. The point I’m getting at is that you have to determine the strength of your relationship and determine which direction your strength meter is pointing towards the most.
Getting used to having no sex with someone that you’re used to having sex with on a regular basis is not an easy task. It’s frustrating, annoying, and sometimes (ok, many times) you come extremely close to ending things just because of the aggravation. The adjustment period is daunting but through time it becomes more manageable.
Once you get over the hurdles that will knock you down a few times, you will realize that your bond will become tighter if the two of you are truly compatible. Sex can hide a lot of issues within a relationship but when sex is taken away, you will realize that your relationship is bare naked. The two of you are completely exposed and you can no longer hide behind your animal instincts. It’s simply you, him, and conversation. If you’re compatible, your conversation will make your bond tighter and your relationship stronger. If you’re not compatible, you’ll have more than just no sex as a reason to move on with your life.
Ultimately, you have to look at what you can withstand. Your boyfriend is trying to make himself a better person through his faith and you really can’t fault a person for that. It’s possible that you can find relief by joining him on his new journey by which you would obtain the same belief system.
If your love is strong enough, you will understand that your relationship is about you and him, and sex is just an added option with a lot of perks. The decision is yours April, I can only wish you the best of luck in making it. You’ll definitely need it!
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