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Marriage:
Yearly Maintenance
By
Pauline Little
If we’re honest with each other, I think we can all agree that if our spouse changed one or two habits of theirs, it would make our lives a little bit happier and in some cases allow our households to run a little more efficient. After living with someone for years, we sometimes just accept their habits as them being them, and deal with the effects of their actions. For the most part, these little habits are usually small things that you don’t mind so much, but in the back of your mind you definitely would like them to change the habit.
You’re probably feeling great about reading this article so far because it feels good to know that there are other’s out there that feel the same way you do. Before you get too excited about this revelation, also know that just as you would like to see changes in your spouse, your spouse would also like to see changes in you. Yes, I’m being serious and no, you’re not perfect. OK! OK! You’re perfect with a few minor flaws. Satisfied?
To help maintain a happy home, you and your spouse should perform maintenance on your marriage once a year. A tune-up of the things that are rubbing the wrong way so to speak. Don’t look at the changes wanted in you as a negative but more as a bargaining chip, or in other words, a way for you to get maintenance done. You want changes and your spouse wants changes so everything is equal. If it was only one person looking for change, it may be considered as nagging or complaining; two people looking for change is considered compromise. What a wonderful thing compromise can be when meeting in the middle allows both people to get what they want.
Once a year, you and your spouse should have a maintenance session. This is where you both come to the table with 3 things that you would like to see changed in your relationship, in order for you to achieve more happiness and satisfaction from your union. On a piece of paper, write down 3 changes you would like to see and also include the reasoning behind the requested change. In order for someone to change a habit, they have to have understanding why it affects you in a negative way, in order for them to have motivation to make the change.
Here’s an example of an item that would be placed on the piece of paper.
“I would like you to allow me to finish my thoughts when I’m speaking to friends and family. A lot of times you take over the conversation which makes me feel less important because I’m not able to contribute to the conversation. Sometimes I also feel less intelligent because I feel you think you have to finish what I’m saying because I’m not explaining things properly.”
Schedule some time when the two of you will have no interruptions, sit down together and exchange your pieces of paper with your three items. Take turns reading each other’s items but take one at a time. Read the item and then discuss the matter openly and honestly. Seek to understand where your spouse is coming from and acknowledge their feelings in a positive way.
Change can be challenging but it’s a beautiful thing when it creates positive results. Understand that the change may not have been initiated by you or may not even be change that you want, but the end result comes in a happier spouse which in most cases creates a happier marriage. You may not think that you’re making change for you but in actuality you are!
LoveFlu.com : Marriage & Divorce : Tips and Advice : Marriage - Yearly Maintenance
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Article Summary
Marriage, just like anything else with moving parts, needs maintenance. Read our advice to understand why giving your marriage a yearly maintenance is so important.
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