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“Love is confusing! Love makes you not want the day to end but at the same time it makes you look forward to tomorrow.”  ~ Tramaine Cavil

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Getting Married Doesn’t Make Your Problems Go Away

By

Tramaine Cavil

Years ago, a co-worker came to me and told me she got engaged and was getting married in three months.  This made no sense to me at the time because I was up to date with her personal life and I knew that she was recently single after successfully ending a horrible relationship.   After standing there with a bewildered look for a second, I asked her the name of her new man and where she had met him.  Without hesitation, she responded, “No, silly! My boyfriend and I got engaged.”  Needless to say, they were divorced less than a year after they got married.

It baffles me to know that there are people out there that think that marriage is the solution to a bad relationship.  As if saying the words, “I Do” will magically remove the problems you have, allowing you to start all over again.  Life after a wedding is not a brand new start or an opportunity for you and your husband or wife to try to restart things on the right foot.  Life after the wedding is simply a continuation of the relationship that already existed, with added pressure due to the strong intent to stay together for the rest of your lives.

You can dream all you want but every concern and unresolved issue you had prior to marriage will carry over to your married life.  The same trust issues, the same disrespect, as well as the multiple other issues you had prior to the rice and wedding cake, will be just as present as they were before.  The “boyfriend /girlfriend” status was not the problem in your relationship; you and your partner were the problem! Marriage doesn’t change you and your lover, it only changes your options during tax time.

Marriage is meant to be a graduation after achieving success during your courtship and after obtaining high marks in compromise, bonding, and relationship management. If you’re struggling in the boyfriend/girlfriend course, then Marriage 101 is going to kick your ass.  Your prerequisites must not only be taken but they must be passed. Without learning from the lessons that your current relationship is teaching you, you’re doomed for failure in marriage because the lessons in marriage are magnified.

When things don’t work out, you don’t go to the next level, you start all over.  Your new start can come in the form of a new relationship or in renewing your old relationship by fulfilling the needs and wants of your partner to create a happier bond.  Fixing the problems in your relationship doesn’t come from bouquets and wedding vows, but through hard work and understanding of each other’s needs. Action is a requirement because for any relationship to go from bad to good, it takes change in one or both of you to generate mutual satisfaction.  Stop looking for the easy solution and do what’s necessary to right all your wrongs.  If you do, you might just be able to live happily ever after.

LoveFlu.com : Marriage & Divorce : Tips and Advice : Getting Married Doesn’t Make Your Problems Go Away

Marriage & Divorce

Article Summary

Your relationship is kicking your butt so you think, “Why not get married?”. Think again! Read our marriage advice to understand why getting married doesn’t make your problems go away.

Marriage Advice

Marriage Tips & Divorce

Marriage & Divorce

Love can’t fix your problems, it only provides the incentive

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