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Tips for Single Parents

By

Tramaine Cavil

Whether you're recently divorced or you have decided to raise your kids on your own, being a single parent has its rewards and its challenges.  Most would say more challenges than rewards but the depth of the rewards far outweigh any challenges that you’ll face.

In a two parent household, roles can be assigned to help distribute the parental responsibilities to help the parenting machine run efficiently.  One parent usual takes on the disciplinary role and does the enforcement around the home, while the other parent takes on a more nurturing role. There are also shared roles in which both parents participate. These roles can include homework, rides to practice, and cooking the daily meals.  The shared parenting machine can run beautifully when it’s running properly.

As a single parent, there are no shared responsibilities and no roles that you can pass on to another adult figure in the home.  It’s all up to you! You are tasked with the responsibilities designed for two people and are expected to do it gracefully and do it well.  It hardly seems fair but when it comes to parenting, there are no excuses you can offer that makes it acceptable for you to do a bad job at it.  To help you with your task at hand, here are some helpful tips for single parents.

Trust Your Instincts

Good parenting makes you question yourself a lot because you want to feel like you’re always making the best decisions for your children.  In a single parent household it may sometimes seem as though there is no one to give you feedback on the decisions you’re making as a parent. Learning to trust yourself as someone who can step back and look at a situation from all sides and weigh the options will ultimately pay off and you will give your kids the best parenting you possibly can.

Don’t Be Someone You’re Not

Some single parents feel like they have to play two roles in order to parent properly.  A single mother will feel the need to play a father role and sometimes a single father will feel the need to play a mother role. You should focus on playing the role you were born to play or find a middle point in between the two roles to play. To compensate for the missing role, spend time around the children’s aunts, uncles, grandparents, or Godparents and have them play a role in the nurturing and growth of the child.

Embrace Your Limitations

Where you find a single parent, you will find someone that is hard on themselves because they don’t feel like they’re doing enough.  If you feel this way, more times than not, you are doing enough because this feeling comes from love for your child. Yes, you may be limited in the things that you’re able to accomplish compared to a two parent home but don’t allow that to reflect in how you view how well you’re doing as a parent. As long as you’re doing the best you can do with the situation that you’ve been presented, then that’s all you can ask from yourself.  Nothing more!

Take Time for Yourself!

Yes, you need and deserve time for yourself.  Parenting is a 24 hour a day job and in order to replenish the battery and to maintain sanity, sometimes you need to step away to regain the strength to go back at it again.  Take advantage of Grandma’s offers to watch the kids anytime you need her to.  Allow them to have sleep over’s at a friend’s house or spend the day with their aunty or uncle. You will be a better parent for it.

Keep Your Adult Interaction
Parenting can take up to 90% of your day so sometimes it’s easy to forget about your adult life. Make sure that you maintain your friendships and make efforts to visit and be visited by your adult friends.  If not, you can end up "leaning" or depending too heavily on your kids for your interactions, which can be unhealthy for you and for them. Grown up contacts give you someone to talk to, someone to bounce ideas and thoughts off of, and when needed, someone to provide another adult nurturing figure in your kids lives.

Don’t Forget About Your Love Life

Don’t withhold romance from yourself just because you are your kids' only parental figure. Sometimes a single parent can get too wrapped up in the responsibilities of parenting and they forget about themselves.  You deserve love and someone to care for you just as your child deserves your love and care.  If done right, you can find a balance between your parental duties and your love life.  The happier you are the better parent you will be.

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Article Summary

Parenthood is difficult enough for two people not to mention the difficulty presented to single parents. Read our advice for some helpful tips for parenting on your own.

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